Who's on First?
by Weesta
Summary: Sam walks into Luke's Diner and chaos ensues. Crack!fic


Sam wasn't paying all that much attention when he stepped into the diner. He was busy checking the cash in his wallet and ignoring Dean yelling about pie as he pulled away from the curb to search for a place to park. So when the guy in the baseball cap behind the counter said, "Hey Dean." it didn't exactly register. It wouldn't have been the first time someone called him by his brother's name.

"Oh, uh…hey." Sam casually scanned the diner. It was a lot cleaner than a lot of places they'd been in and seemed to have a nice local clientele. "Can I get two coffees to go and a slice of…what pie do you have?"

"Apple, cherry and Caesar just pulled the blueberry out of the oven."

"I'll take the blueberry. Thanks."

"Coming right up." The man in the baseball cap got to work. The very attractive brunette sitting at the counter drinking coffee addressed Sam.

"So," she laughed a little nervously as she reached out a hand to awkwardly pat his arm, "how're you doing?"

Two things occurred to Sam simultaneously – as far as he knew, Dean had never been to Stars Hollow before; neither one of them had. So it didn't make sense that a resident would know Dean, and then mistake Sam for his brother. And, this lady was being far too familiar to not think she knew who he was.

"Ah," Sam pulled away slightly and shook his head. "I think you've got the wrong guy."

The woman looked confused and a little hurt. "The wrong guy? I've known you since you were…" she waved her finger at him indicating his head and shoulders, "a lot less tall…and broad…than you are now."

Sam chuckled and looked down, hoping that disengaging eye contact would quell the conversation. But apparently, the woman was on a roll.

"The wrong _guy_? Is this a "I've changed my life and started new so if you're looking for the _old_ guy you've got the wrong guy" kind of thing? Or do you just not want to talk to me? I mean, I get it…after everything that happened with you and Rory…but you just can't expect to walk into town, into _Luke's_ and expect people to ignore your presence. I mean, come on Dean, you're kind of hard to miss."

While the woman was rambling the counter man had returned with the coffee and pie. He seemed to be trying to help deflect the woman's attention. "You are kinda hard to miss, Dean."

Sam was confused, but still willing to try to work it out. "I am tall, but I'm not Dean."

"You're not Dean." The man repeated.

"Right, my brother is Dean." Sam clarified, glad that someone seemed to be on his page.

"Dean has a twin?!" Apparently the patrons of the diner decided it was time to chime in. The large, dark haired lady in the eye-popping gypsy shawl was the one to yell out first.

The smaller, bottle-blonde with the smoker's voice sitting with her added, "I didn't know Dean had a twin!" Apparently shrieking was her normal tone of voice.

Sam could feel the quicksand beneath his feet. "No, Dean doesn't have a twin. I'm Sam. Dean's my brother."

"But you just said Dean didn't have a twin." Sam was startled by the presence of a skinny brown haired many that mysteriously appeared by his elbow and was way too far into his personal space. "How can you be his brother if Dean's not your twin?"

"Wait…" the brunette at the counter jumped back in, "your name is Sam?"

Sam tried to turn his attention back to the woman at the counter, but the other two ladies had come over to investigate and joined the skinny man in his personal space. The smaller blonde woman poked at his chest saying, "Are you sure you're not Dean?"

The heavy-set lady actually grabbed his face to turn it toward her. "So handsome! How can there be more than one of these?"

The counter man tried ineffectually to intervene. "Patty! Babbette! Will you please stop mauling the man?"

"Is this some kind of April Fool's joke? Are we being Punk'd?" The skinny man persisted in his weird monotone. "Where's the camera?"

Sam took a deep breath and a large step back. He held out his hands to ward off any more poking. "I'm not Dean!" he declared just as the bell over the door announced the arrival of a new customer. "That's Dean!" Sam pointed emphatically at his brother.

"What?" Dean looked over, not sure what to make of Sam surrounded by a gang of townsfolk.

"_That's_ not Dean! You're Dean." argued the small, blonde lady.

"I'm _Sam_," Sam explained again. "_This_ is my brother Dean." Sam slapped a hand heavily on Dean's shoulder and pulled him closer.

"He doesn't even look like you!" Patty exclaimed, disappointed.

Dean shot Sam a pure "WTF?" face.

"Clearly, what we have here is a case of mistaken identity." said the counter man trying to restore some order from the chaos.

"Wow. It's kind of amazing." The counter brunette was looking at Sam with wonder in her startlingly blue eyes. "It's just…." she shook her head and broke eye-contact. "You really, really look like Dean. _Our_ Dean." she amended as she waved a hand to encompass their little group.

With the excitement over the patrons began to drift away. The two women went back to their table speaking in "hushed" tones about how they weren't fooled for a second and that "their" Dean was definitely taller than the imposter.

"Sorry about that." the man in the baseball cap apologized. He took a pot of coffee over to the ladies and seemed to be trying to talk them down, or at least get them to lower their volume.

"I'm sorry, too. I shouldn't have jumped all over you like that." The woman began to rummage in her purse which gave Sam just enough time to elbow Dean in the ribs and prevent him from blurting out whatever inappropriate remark he came up with in response to her "jumped all over you" comment. Sam was only blushing slightly when she looked back.

"Hey, no problem." Now that Sam didn't feel like he was living in the Twilight Zone it was easy enough to be gracious.

The brunette stood up and offered her hand to Sam. "Welcome to Stars Hollow, Sam. I'm Lorelai."

Sam grinned as he shook her hand. "Nice to meet you, Lorelai. This is my brother Dean."

She grinned back. "Not your twin."

"Not my twin."

Sam still had Lorelai's hand in his grasp when the bell above the door chimed again. He felt the quicksand engulf him once again as he came face to face with "Our Dean". Sam could hear Lorelai gasp at seeing the two of them together and he knew he was in trouble when one of the ladies screamed at the man with the coffee, "Quick! Get your tape measure!"


End file.
